Tips For Writers Who Get Stuck For Some New Expressions
One of the greatest thing about the Internet is its free spirit, ‘free’ as in freedom.
For readers, the Net is a boon for they get to read great content gratis. There are lots of books, games, music, software etc on the Net for which you don’t have to pay.
What about writers? Do they get anything free?
Writers, especially bloggers, tell me that their minds go blank when they have to produce a neat turn of phrase. They have always clamored for a free service to help them with their writing skills.
To help wannabe writers, I am giving here some of the expressions from my collection. These belong to me, but you can use this freely in your blogs, or wherever, with or without credits to me.
1. ..he was so dumb that if you put him in a nudist’s colony, he won’t know where to look.
2. ….she was the sort of girl, who, if she ever eloped, would rather elope with the milkman than with anyone else, for the sole reason that he was the only one who had ever seen her without make up and still hadn’t flinched…
3. ... his was the sort of writing that if he ever talked, people would be prompted to say that he talked a lot but said little…
4. …..he loved her with all his might, the way a user would love his password.
5. ….they were as inseparable as the TB and cough, colon and E.coli…
6. …..it looked so odd to see her without him at her side, the sight was as odd as balls without hairs, and a turtle without its shell…
7. ….little did he know at that time that all she cared for him was about the bulge in his wallet and not bulge in his pants.
8. ..he was such a perfectionist that he even did his morning ablutions religiously, so that, even when he is called an asshole, he wanted to be a perfect asshole.
9. …..she was so shapeless that an amoeba could learn a lesson or two from her…
10. ….."What do you mean ‘sorry’? In your paper, you said reckelessly that I am ‘The rapist’ instead of ‘Therapist,’ didn’t you? Now, you are going to find out who really I am…” he walked towards her menacingly…
11. ....he checked her out completely like a blogger would check his posts for comments....
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Guns In Both Hands
It was an exciting day at the office. Exciting because, for the first time in my life I saw a guy holding guns in his both hands.
Who? The Armed Guard.
Where? At the loo.
Cartoon Anyone?
The problem with my overfertile brain is that I keep getting ideas for so many things and just don't know how to get these executed.
Like cartoons, for example. I get lots of ideas but can't draw for nuts.
Today I thought of a nice idea for a cartoon. It’s like this. Picture of a guy, a very agitated guy, if you get I mean. He says angrily, “I said ‘massage my knees’ and not ‘massage my niece’!”
Draw this cartoon and mail to me in text format.
Top 5 Things About Me That Pisses Off People
- I always use the little finger of my left hand whenever I need to poke into my ears. My pals, who normally use car keys for this, naturally, don’t approve of the usage of my little finger for de-waxing my ears.
- Strangely, I use the index finger of the same hand whenever I have an itching on my head! This really pisses off my friends. They don’t understand what a complicated personality I am.
- Whenever I brush my teeth, I hold the toothbrush tightly in my right hand, press it close to my teeth, and shake my head sideways. The toothbrush stays in the same place and it is the head that is moving. This is my way of starting the day with a nice exercise.
- I have a habit of putting the left hand in the left trouser packet and keep fiddling with the car keys and coins deliberately left there, especially while talking to females. (Yes, it is another habit of mine to put everything into left trouser pocket.) Many think that I am surreptitiously scratching my balls, which is not the case.
- Many people have this obnoxious habit of looking at the boobs of girls when they talk to them, but not me. I always look at their front teeth. The gap between the front teeth always fascinates me. Like thumb impressions, the tooth gaps too are very individualistic and a topic worthy of a separate blog.
An Inspiring Moment At The Office
Today I saw something which really inspired me. It was truly the 'chicken soul' moment of my career so far.
As usual, I was at my office. It was very stuffy and the AC was on. Or most probably it was not working. It was a hot and humid day. I was thinking of blogging about this.
Then I noticed my colleague, whom I've thought to be the most useless loser in the world, showing signs of life in his faraway cubicle.
But, the loser did something that was very profound and totally out of character: he got up from his seat, walked slowly across the window and proceeded to open up one of the windows. And the breeze started to blow in!
This really inspired all of us so much that all of us went and opened all the windows for the better part of the next one hour.
This gesture may appear simple but works on many levels. This seemingly simple act of just opening the windows, for those who think deeply, has many connotations and deeper layers.
It just tells you, "If you open the window to your heart then you can blow away the cobwebs of worries."
I am not on speaking terms with him, but, being broad minded, I want to pay him a tribute through this blog. I
request all of you to pay your tributes too and I will forward your messages to him.
Also, please share similar inspiring acts of your colleagues with the thousands of readers of this blog.
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My Top 5 Favourite Singles
Look what I’m holdin’ in my hand – Pariah Heap
The falsetto beginning that merges with the solo lead guitar so fluidly and reaches the crescendo with the Spanish and Latin Guitar doing a
November Rain... this is juxtaposition in the truly funky Heavy Metal tradition at its breathtaking best. In rock terms, ecstasy and pure bliss! Pity it got only 3 Grammys.
Like a hymen – Mad Donner
Mad Donner simply gets better and better and the title track of the album just blows your mind. One of the most original voices in the post-
Streisand era this side of the Atlantic, aided by the most powerful lyrics that would have made a Dylan proud ..what more a music aficionado could ask for?
Bermuda! Bermuda! - Cappuchino Chicks
Not since ‘
Macarena’ a song from our Spaniard Amigos has got us stirred and shaken up so much. The beat is furiously rhythmic and the tune is delectably danceable. Doesn’t impress you on your first take but grows on you with repeated hearing and surely hits you hard with the ‘blood-on-the-dance-floor’ kinda feeling.
(But the lyrics are so inane that it makes you want to bash up the lyricist. But, surely you don’t want to manhandle up a Grammy winner!
Bermuda Triangle
It’s so mysterious..oooooo I want to get there
Bermuda Triangle
It’ so fascinatin’…ooooooo I want to get there
Bermuda Triangle, Bermuda Triangle
Inside her Bermuda Trousers
It’s so mysterious..oooooo I want to get there )
It’s not gonna hurt you one bit- Systematic Jones
One of the most soulful ballads written and sung ever and surely this must rank high up there with the likes
‘Imagine’ and
‘Another day in Paradise’. A great plus is the 70-second beginning with the bagpiper music setting the tone for the mellifluous interlude. Jones has one of the most charismatic voices of the last decade or so and no wonder, his albums are chartbusting everywhere. (
Trivia: This number has been selected to figure in the next James Bond flick as the opening song. And if this happens, this will be the first time a male voice is being used in a James Bond movie!)
Come, read me in Braille – Hot Tomato
Not a politically correct title for a British group making their debut, but the rocking music compensates for the raunchiness of the lyrics. There’s a claret like quality to Veronica’s voice and when that combines with a gut wrenching, harrumphing tenor of Orlando, then you can justifiably expect some fireworks. This is a great album and must-buy for any one who cares for some eclectic combo of Caribbean calypso and the old ol’ R&B.
Do you think this will influence my boss during my appraisal time?
One of the defining moments of my life happened at my office yesterday. I think, this is going to change my life completely.
It all started with a small running nose of mine. It started running thinly, and later it became thick. So, I went to the washroom and stood before the washbasin. I breathed in hard, held my breath and with my left hand thumb, pressed the left nostril tight. Then with great force, through the right nostril, I expelled some sticky things out successfully.
Then, I bent over the washbasin and looked closely at the output.
Satisfied, I backed out, still bending, but didn't notice my boss who standing behind me. And my backside hit his crotch!
At this precise moment, four of my colleagues, rivals, opened the toilet door and caught us in an awkward position. They retreated immediately saying, “Okayyyyy, we will come back after 5 minutes!”
Do you think this will influence my boss during my appraisal time?
Which Is Your Favourite Finger?
Let me admit it, I am very proud of my thumb. Cleopatra might have had her nose and Helen of Troy , her chin, but to me it is my thumb that lends my personality a certain dash and charm.
More I look at it, more I like it. And my thumb nail, it has the perfect shape. A nice, oblong-ish thing with a white rising sun logo at the bottom, beautifully matching with the slight pinkish hues surrounding it.
Whenever I drum the table, I instinctively use the thumb most than other fingers. Whenever I start to bite my nails, it is the thumb that gets my first attention and other fingers have to wait their turn. Can anyone explain the Freudian aspect to this?
Also, don’t forget to tell me which is your favourite finger!
There Is A Mustard In Your Molars
My colleague was returning from the lunch room today and I immediately noticed that there was a black mustard, nicely squashed between his two front teeth. In the top row of tooth, to be exact. I wanted to tell him about the intrusion of a mustard into his body but didn’t know about the etiquette on this.
But, I know for a fact that he checks his blogs every two minutes looking for comments. So, I went to his blog and typed a comment ‘There is a mustard in your molars’ as an anonymous poster.
What would you have done if you were in my place?
